Category Archives: emotion

Writing Letters to your Child (plus a book giveaway!)

Please welcome Steena Holmes, author of FINDING EMMA.  Steena shares the importance of writing letters to our children. Leave a comment or question for Steena today for a chance to win a pdf or mobi copy of her best selling book! (plus – a Carnival of PRIZES available! More info below the article…)

Letter Writing…To Your Child

guest post by Steena Holmes

There’s something to be said for sitting down and writing a letter, especially in today’s world when it’s so much easier to shoot off an email or send an e-card that can literally only take minutes to do. Writing a letter takes time. Time to compose your thoughts, to ensure what you really want to say gets written. Time to be honest with yourself.

I started to write letters to my children after shortly after my oldest daughter was born. I remember sitting in the in my chair one day while she was screaming in my arms and wondering where had I gone as a person. There I was, a new mom with no clue what to do. It shocked me. Once upon a time I always knew what to do, knew who I was and where I wanted to go. I was experiencing what most new mom’s go through – an identity crisis.

I went back to my roots as a teenager of figuring out who I was, by journaling. But, that journal soon grew into a book of letters for my daughter. I started to remember who I was a person and I watched myself grow as a woman and a mother through the words I wrote to her.

Three children later, I still carry on the process of writing letters to my daughters. I talk about goal setting and learning to be a stronger person. I tell them about my weaknesses and what steps I’m taking to overcome them. I share with them the love that is in my heart and what I see in theirs. I’m an open book in my letters to my daughters and its a process that I cherish.

Leave a comment for a chance to win this book!

This is something every mother can do. Whether it becomes a gift that you give them at their wedding or when their first child is born, or whether it’s a process that you share together (my middle daughter and I write letters back and forth in one of her journals weekly), it’s a process that, I believe, opens your heart up to being honest with who you are as a person and helps you to remember those goals and dreams you once held close. It also helps to teach our children to be honest with themselves, to never be afraid to look deep inside their hearts and deal with issues that are hard.

In my bestseller Finding Emma, I use the concept of writing letters with Peter. He keeps a diary for their kidnapped daughter, Emma. He writes down the words he’s too afraid to admit out loud and he’s even encouraged his other daughters, Hannah and Alexis, to do the same. There’s one touching scene when Megan finds out about this journal and reads it for herself. It opens her eyes to the man she married and makes her realize he’s not who she thought he was.

Have you ever written a letter to your child? If you haven’t, I strongly encourage you to do so. And if you don’t have children, how about writing one to yourself? That might be even harder to do, like trying to get off a ferris wheel that never ends, but in the end, you’ll know it will be a letter full of honesty and truth.

Steena Holmes

Author of the new heart wrenching story “Finding Emma”, Steena is a woman who believes that ‘in the end, everything succumbs…to the passions of your heart’. Steena’s life revolves around her family, friends and fiction.

Come along with Emma on a scavenger hunt!
We’re going to the Carnival! At each stop along Steena’s tour there is a hidden word–something you would find at a fair or carnival. Find the word and enter it at the Scavenger Hunt page on Steena’s website
(http://www.steenaholmes.com/wow-scavenger-hunt/). Each entry is an extra ticket to win! Need more clues? Join us at the Carnival Board on Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/steenah/summer-carnivals-childhood-memories/)
where we will post images of the clues. Join in the fun by leaving your own favorite carnival pics! Read about prizes and additional details on The Muffin.(http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/2012/06/emmas-scavenger-hunt.html)

Prizes:

First Prize: Work with a Bestselling Author.

Our Grande Prize winner will help create a character for Steena Holmes’ next book!

 Second and Third Prize Winners will each receive a signed copy of Finding Emma and a special pewter angel figurine from The Missing Children’s Society of Canada, an organization dedicated to bringing children home.

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Filed under Advice, books, characters, emotion

I Am Not My Past:

 

Defining Yourself

 {Guest Post by: Chynna Laird, author of White Elephants}

When a child is abused or victimized, it changes a tiny part of him forever. That much is true. He comes to believe that he actually deserves the treatment that was bestowed on him. He thinks that, maybe, if he was cuter/smarter/faster/better behaved than the abuser wouldn’t hurt him anymore. We all know this couldn’t be further from the truth but this is the mindset these children fall into. And when we don’t keep reminding the child who he truly is underneath it all, we are inadvertently reinforcing those negative thoughts. Allow me to explain.

Whenever people found out what was going on in our house, or what happened to me specifically, one of two things happened. Some people focused on all of the statistics that say people who abuse become abusers or that we have to be watched closely because we’ll become addicts or hurt ourselves or, God forbid, commit suicide. This is a dangerous stereotype because, as with all stereotypes, they exist due to misinformation and misunderstanding. And when a person hears these stereotypes often enough, they end up believing them and living up to them. This line of thinking keeps these children living as victims rather than as a child who just happened to go through this horrible thing but who was brave enough to go on.

Others simply became so uncomfortable they wouldn’t interact with me. They didn’t know what to say to me or how to act around me and avoided me. That hurt tremendously because it made me feel like, maybe, I did deserve what happened to me if no one else wanted to be around me either. Again, this happens because folks just aren’t informed or understand the situations well enough. Taking the time to understand what these kids go through in general, as well as the child’s specific situation, will help ease any discomfort. Avoiding or ignoring them only intensifies their own insecurities.

I understand that not everyone knows what to do when finding out a child they know has been abused, neglected or otherwise victimized. The main thing you can help with is restoring the three basic things every child should have: self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. All of these are broken down next to nothing when they’ve been abused. And those are the main components of helping these kids define their own paths.

A dear friend of mine, and the CEO of a local child protection charity I work closely with, told me once that she never reads the files for the children that come to her center before she’s met with them. She sits down with the child, playing games with them or talking about what they enjoy doing. Once she’s gotten to know the child inside and out, only then does she finally read the file to learn his or her history. Think of the significance of that for a moment.

By sitting down with the child first, my friend is seeing only the child. She’s understanding who he is, what his interests are and what he likes or doesn’t. She takes the time to figure out what that child is good at and draws that out. She relates to him at his comfort level, treating him like any other child she might meet up with. And doing this without knowing what he’s gone through is what she calls, ‘Defining him by who he or she is rather than whatever labels are attached to the child through their experiences.’

I can’t tell you how much that means to these kids. We can’t change or erase those experiences as much as we’d like to. But what we can do is remind him of all the good in him because no person can take that away from him completely. The way you can do that is to follow what my friend does above.

Plant the seeds of self-esteem by reminding her she is worth spending time with. Let her know that her presence matters and that she is still just a kid—a fantastic kid. She needs to see and believe that in order to keep going. Don’t worry, she will.

As that grows, nurture it so the first signs of self-worth start to sprout. Remind her of all the great things she can do, helping her to draw on that for courage and strength when things get tough. Show her that despite what’s happened to her, she is supposed to be here and get her to see all of her ‘Can Do’s’.

Once you see those take strong root, you’ll finally see the blossom of self-confidence develop and grow. When he knows others believe in him, he will believe in himself. Self-confidence isn’t just thinking you can do something, it’s what gives us the tenacity to try, and keep trying, until we feel bigger, stronger and more powerful than what’s trying to scare us from moving forward.

We aren’t born with any of these things. We’re supposed to learn and develop them from our caregivers. But when a child is abused, they don’t have the chance to develop properly and neither does the child. But children are resilient when given the proper support. Trust me on this. I wouldn’t be here today without my loving support network surrounding me each and every day.

Even if you don’t know what else to do, you have the ability to make a difference by helping to nurture these traits in these kids. We can all do that. By doing so, you’re giving them a most precious gift of all: the ability to define themselves and to say, “I am not my past!” And that is powerful.

Chynna Laird

CHYNNA LAIRD – is a psychology major, freelance writer and multi award-winning author living in Edmonton, Alberta with her partner, Steve, and their three daughters [Jaimie (almost nine), Jordhan (six), and baby Sophie (three)] and baby boy, Xander (five). Her passion is helping children and families living with Sensory Processing Disorder and other special needs.

You’ll find her work in many online and in-print parenting, inspirational, Christian and writing publications in Canada, United States, Australia, and Britain. In addition, she’s authored an award-winning children’s book (I’m Not Weird, I Have SPD), two memoirs (the multi award-winning, Not Just Spirited: A Mom’s Sensational Journey With SPD and White Elephants), a Young Adult novel (Blackbird Flies), an adult Suspense/Thriller (Out Of Sync to be released March 2012), and a Young Adult Suspense/Mystery/Paranormal/Sweet Romance (Undertow, to be released 2012). She’s also working on a sequel to Not Just Spirited called Not Just Spirited: The Journey Continues and a few other projects in the works for Middle Grade and Young Adult readers.

Please visit Chynna’s website at www.chynna-laird-author.com, as well as her blogs at www.the-gift-blog.com and www.seethewhiteelephants.com, to get a feel for her work and what inspires her.

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Filed under Advice, Believe, books, emotion, Inspiration, Perseverance, writers

Thankful Thursday

Big Smiles!

Some days, it’s just enough to be thankful for your health, other days there are blessings dropping from the sky like crisp autumn leaves – in abundance! Honor them all, big and small.

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” -Karen Lamb



Today, I am thankful for…

NaNoWriMo season!!!! AND…drumroll,   I HAVE A SOLID working IDEA for this year’s novel! *Squeee!!*

My Daily emails from Bob Proctor, who sends me motivating quotes, many of which inspire these posts!

My amazing “second family” – my silly, sweet and supportive coworkers.

Haunted Houses and the fuel it added to my Novel idea fire. Went here on Sunday with my oldest >> The Eleventh Hour

Edy’s Pumpkin Ice Cream. Just Eat it. Seriously.

What/who are you thankful for today? Tap into the gratitude and see how it frees your mind for creativity. Share!

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I’m so thankful for my readers!! Please SUBSCRIBE and be part of my secret inner circle, which is getting Larger! ; )

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Is it Planning – or Procrastination?

 

“Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action.”  ~ David J. Schwartz, Trainer and Author

“Transformation isn’t a future event, it’s a present activity.” ~ Jillian Michaels, Fitness Guru, Author of “Unlimited”

“Planning is nothing but procrastination in disguise… Failure doesn’t come from poor planning – it comes from the timidity to proceed.” ~ Scott Ginsberg, “The Nametag Guy”

 

These are just a few quotes I reread daily to get my head in check. I am THEE Queen of lists and planning to a fault, I now realize. Overplanning, procrastination, over-responsible, not finishing projects: these are all traits of ACOA’s (Adult Children of Alcoholics) yet I struggle with denial. Anyone else do this?

Once I push past the “preparation” that pulls on every. fiber. in. my. being, I actually get a lot of real work done. For me, this means writing new or revised scenes for my LAKE-RESORT Novel. This Sunday, I sat on my patio in the gorgeous fall weather and wrote long-hand 8 notebook pages of  a pretty tense scene between my teenage protag and her estranged mother. The key for me? Don’t over think it and don’t work on the computer (the internet is called the Web for a reason!)

How will you push past the planning and onto productivity today? Share your tips and tricks!

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FREE SUBSCRIPTIONS! Just sign up! ; )

 

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Filed under Advice, emotion, goals, Novels, procrastination

Thankful Thursday

Big Smiles!

Filling your heart with gratitude actually manifests more good things in your life. Don’t believe me? Try it!

 

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.”

~ Dale Carnegie, 1888-1955, Author



Today, I am thankful for…

Autumn leaves a-flame in brilliant oranges, reds and purples on the trees outside my window.

A family party where I spent quality time with my favorite cousins!

Keeping up with my daily writing practice.

Gas prices are coming down…

The beautiful essay my oldest son wrote about his Great-Grandma. (proud mama!)

What/who are you thankful for today? Tap into the gratitude and see how it frees your mind for creativity. Share!

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I’m so thankful for my readers!! Please SUBSCRIBE and be part of my secret inner circle ; )

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Filed under Believe, emotion, teaching, Thankful Thursday, writers, writing inspiration

Tuesday Museday

How about non-writing related images, sounds and experiences that lend to our writer’s muse?

First up, a young (14 yr-old!) student of mine, Melissa S. has written her own song (music and lyrics!) and sings and plays the piano in her YouTube debut. I think the chorus is mesmerizing and the lyrics inspire ideas for my teenage heartbroken protagonists. What do you think? Leave her a comment of encouragement!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1B45OgDHrc&feature=channel_video_title

A party for your tastebuds! Have you tried Honeycrisp apples? OMG – yum! The tangy yet sweet crunchy goodness floods my mind with images of autumn: Golden and crimson leaves, deep blue-gray skies, fattened squirrels and bunnies readying for hibernation, creepy time via Halloween

 And the ordinary becomes extraordinary… “Flipping ” through my digital photos via Kodak EasyShare, I found a number of interesting images my 12-year-old son, David captured with my camera. His artistic eye caught usual images in unusual shadows, light and context.  Try looking through your pictures for the unique. Or better, hand your camera off to child who will capture magic for your muse!

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Watch the pendulum…you are getting sleepy…you are clicking SUBSCRIBE…you are gleefully under my spell..you are sending chocolate and pumpkin spice lattes to me…

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Filed under Believe, emotion, Fun Stuff, Inspiration, writing inspiration, Young Adults

Thankful Thursday

Big Smiles!

Shout from the rooftops! Sing in your car! Dance in your kitchen! Be grateful. Fully. Every day.

“I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy.”
– Anne Frank



Today, I am thankful for…

A very unique tool with coaching: The Image Center. Check out the fab coach, Michelle Russell I worked with this week.  Ask about 30 minute “session.”

Heather Sellers. I bow down to you, oh wise one. You read my mind and sync my soul. Read her book to know what I’m talking about >> Page After Page

Though it’s raining a bit more than my liking, I LOVE FALL!!!

Trying to open my mind, my soul, my perception of self and others.

The unexpected “a book you requested has arrived!” from my library. Do you HEART your library?

What/who are you thankful for today? Tap into the gratitude and see how it frees your mind for creativity. Share!

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I’m so thankful for my readers!! Please SUBSCRIBE and be part of my secret inner circle ; )

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Filed under Believe, books, emotion, teaching, Thankful Thursday, writers, writing inspiration